Morning Pages Monday September 25th 2023

Yesterday I woke up thinking there was not enough coffee or serotonin to get through the day.

An air advisory warning. There are wildfires up North.

My work once again on the back burner. Shocked to find that it is Autumn of 2023.

Happy Equinox! Everyone says.

Happy Libra Season!

So many years have passed since I fell into a new decade. I startle at my age. At how much has gone by, at how much I have gained.

My daughter so glad to be out of the house last night that she chitters to everyone at the grocery store. Up and down the aisles, yelling peachy peachy! And when one woman comments on how happy she seems in the check out aisle HAPPY! HAPPY!

Earlier in the day throwing up her hands and saying LOVE! Making us laugh.

And well -

The moon halved and close in the parking lot.

This morning in contrast to yesterday, soft and making pancakes, and coffee, and slicing what is left of the peaches and the plums, and a few slices of banana, pulling last year’s honey out of the pantry. Opening a can of coconut milk. Managing to clean the whole kitchen as I go along. My daughter saying yummy yummy - holding two stuffed bunnies between her arms. Bringing her wooden dinosaurs to the cat. Her father taking her this morning to run errands, so quick between laundry, I paint my nails Pink Sands, I pull Denis Johnson off the shelf, I land here. Still in my nightgown.

My husband asking what I want for my birthday and I say Oh, I don’t know, a trip to the desert? Maybe? Wanting to show my daughter the Joshua Trees. The dirt. The sky. Where I got sober. Where God once whispered leave. (Even though I didn’t believe in God.)

This morning with barely a breeze and not a single bird in the Sumac tree. They were predicting a wet winter.

From Noah Purifoy’s Outdoor Museum